Isn't it interesting that death isn't the only thing that sends us into the 5 stages of grief? I guess with any type of loss, the five stages will come.
What is interesting to me is how it shows up and how you can experience all five within minutes of each other. While we know that the only constant in life is change, it would be a good idea to become familiar with what those 5 stages are so that we can better understand our reactions and feel reassured that we aren't losing our minds.
1. Denial - "No, this hasn't really happened has it?"
2. Bargaining - "I would do what I have in order to make this not be so."
3. Anger - This one needs no explanation, but it is my hope that every human on this planet learn how to deal with anger and release it safely.
4. Depression - Constant state of sadness, loss or gain of appetite, tiredness, insomnia, loss of interest in activities or things that used to bring you joy.
5. Acceptance - Knowing that it is all going to be ok.
I simplified the stages above and more information can be found online around the five stages of grief.
When I looked at the list above, the word that stood out for me is acceptance. I think that might just be the most important of all because when we can accept whatever it is we are feeling and knowing that it is normal and that it is ok, we can move through that emotion and come out on the other side feeling just a little bit better and stronger.
If you find yourself experiencing any sort of loss, remember that any and all feelings you are having is completely normal and find someone to talk to about it. Give yourself the space you need to take care of and comfort you and know that it really will be all OK.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
What do you value
So I sit here and wonder what are people thinking and what do they value the most?
I am wondering this today because living in Corporate America people get confused on what to value and who to trust. While going through lay-offs it became apparent in my group that people weren't sure on how to accept what was going on around them.
For ten of us, our days are numbered. The craziest part in all of this are the reactions from those who are staying. I guess I never experienced what survivor guilt looked like. The ones with scheduled appointments found out that they were the ones who were being let go. Once that realization hit, the people who knew they were safe treated the ones who weren't like we had the plague. People no longer could look us in the eye and avoided us. Luckily, a few of us, who have made long lasting relationships had each other to comfort and talk to.
While going to bed last night, the reality hit me. I was losing my job. I am now a single mother and have responsibilities that have been new to me within the last year. At first I was a bit freaked out and then just started crying. I had a conversation with God and thanked him for all of my blessings, mostly my family and AMAZING support of friends that I have.
I remembered the saying "if you want to have a friend, be a friend". I stopped to look at how maybe I haven't been the best example of a friend and what I could do to improve that. First is to be my own friend, to support and comfort myself and then offer the same to my friends, family and community. For me, that is what life is all about. It's not about what job I have, what my pay grade level is or who I have to throw under the bus or step on to get what I think it is that I want.
I was disappointed in the reaction of some of the people that I thought were friends of mine. Now I know that they are SOMETIME friends and yes, while my soul and spirit can love theirs (from a distance), I choose to not surround myself with them. Instead I choose, ANYWAY friends and family. The ones that will love, forgive and support you ANYWAY.
I am choosing the high road because it will lead me in exactly the direction I am meant to go. In the meantime, I will remember the words from a country song I heard recently..."god is great, beer is good and people are crazy..."
I am wondering this today because living in Corporate America people get confused on what to value and who to trust. While going through lay-offs it became apparent in my group that people weren't sure on how to accept what was going on around them.
For ten of us, our days are numbered. The craziest part in all of this are the reactions from those who are staying. I guess I never experienced what survivor guilt looked like. The ones with scheduled appointments found out that they were the ones who were being let go. Once that realization hit, the people who knew they were safe treated the ones who weren't like we had the plague. People no longer could look us in the eye and avoided us. Luckily, a few of us, who have made long lasting relationships had each other to comfort and talk to.
While going to bed last night, the reality hit me. I was losing my job. I am now a single mother and have responsibilities that have been new to me within the last year. At first I was a bit freaked out and then just started crying. I had a conversation with God and thanked him for all of my blessings, mostly my family and AMAZING support of friends that I have.
I remembered the saying "if you want to have a friend, be a friend". I stopped to look at how maybe I haven't been the best example of a friend and what I could do to improve that. First is to be my own friend, to support and comfort myself and then offer the same to my friends, family and community. For me, that is what life is all about. It's not about what job I have, what my pay grade level is or who I have to throw under the bus or step on to get what I think it is that I want.
I was disappointed in the reaction of some of the people that I thought were friends of mine. Now I know that they are SOMETIME friends and yes, while my soul and spirit can love theirs (from a distance), I choose to not surround myself with them. Instead I choose, ANYWAY friends and family. The ones that will love, forgive and support you ANYWAY.
I am choosing the high road because it will lead me in exactly the direction I am meant to go. In the meantime, I will remember the words from a country song I heard recently..."god is great, beer is good and people are crazy..."
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